Review by Luned

 The date: 28.03.99
 The place: Page's Bar, London
 The guest of honour: Robert Beltran
 Others: Robin Atkin-Down (I think his name is) and some other bloke from Babylon 5.
 The audience: Of all shapes and sizes, and varying degrees of sobriety.

It was my first time at any event like this, and I was actually pretty nervous. (Why? I have no idea.) I arrived with a couple of like-minded souls and we joined the queue outside the door, at around 5.30pm. Once in, it became clear that although the management had been happy to sell 120+ tickets for the evening's…entertainment…they in no way thought that meant they had to provide enough seats for 120 happy ticketholders. I got lucky, with a couple of others I got a little spot half on the window-ledge and half on the radiator. Which was not on, fortunately. It was a hot sunny evening, the bar was packed, and it was damn uncomfortable, but hey I was having a great time.

It was good to meet so many people from rbeb2 and the ORB who have just been names before, and it was a lot of fun. The bar played 'Dark Frontier' for us while we waited, on various screens around the place. Afterwards, they put on some sort of compilation of TNG clips with 'matching' music. It was an education in itself just to listen to the cheers for Worf, and the boos for poor ole Wesley.

About 7.30-ish, Robin Atkin-Down (and I apologise if that's wrong but I didn't know who he was) from Babylon 5 was introduced, he'd popped in for the evening. He stood up and chatted for five minutes, saying he knew we were all there to see "Richard Beltran". Only about half the audience yelled "Robert!".

As a Welsh person can I add I was particularly embarrassed by his fascinating Max Boyce impression. But he seemed like a nice bloke.

Then someone from what I can only call 'the management' got up to tell us the house rules. No flash photography once Robert Beltran started talking, as little smoking as possible, no videoing (although that might have had more to do with the professional-looking video-kit in the corner, I daresay Page's wanted the recording monopoly). We were threatened with being roughly expelled from the building if we didn't comply with the rule ('You must comply'…let's call them the Manage-Borg).

And then there was about ten minutes lull, before an excited buzz went around the room. The Manage-Borg asked us not to take any flash pictures at all. And so, regretting my lovely SLR camera equipment (not with me) I packed away the little auto-flash disposable I'd bought for the evening. Then they introduced him and suddenly he was there! In the room! The man himself! Robert flipping Beltran!

OK. I've had crushes on actors and pop stars in the past, but I have never seen one in the flesh, as it were. So this was a really weird moment. Standing not twenty feet away from me was possibly the world's most gorgeous man, and someone who also happens to be a damn fine actor…did I mention STANDING NOT TWENTY FEET AWAY FROM ME????!!!!

OK I was a bit dumbstruck. He looked pretty good, in black jeans and shirt and brown boots. He firstly said he hoped we understood about the flashes, but that he'd had so many flash cameras going off in his face that week that his eyes couldn't take anymore. Fair enough, I can hardly blame him though I imagine a few people did.

This was about 8pm. He then did a Q&A session until…I think about 9.00pm, maybe a little more. I hear that there's likely to be a transcript floating around the ether soon, so I won't try and recall it all verbatim…but here are some of the edited highlights. And I'm sorry if they’re in the wrong order, but I got back so late last night I didn't have the chance to write it down until this afternoon, so it's a bit muddled. I had a great view because I got fed up with looking through people's backs and I stood on the radiator.

Someone asked the inevitable question about Janeway and Chakotay, and there was quite a groan. He said he never thought she was right for him anyway, and then did a pretty funny impression of Janeway ordering him around, telling him what to do in bed ("not like that, yes, there, do it…", it sounded better in his terrible Kate Mulgrew voice). The person asking seemed to get quite upset about this and he said "Don't take it so seriously! It's just a TV show!" which got a laugh. He said something about how she could always go and watch Babylon 5. A voice in the audience (sitting about six feet away from him) said "What's wrong with Babylon 5", and he turned, started to answer, then saw that the person asking the question was Robin Atkin-Down and creased over with laughter. He clearly had no idea the guy was there. He then got his revenge, albeit unwittingly, by calling him 'Robert Atkin-Down' and hastily correcting himself. The audience of course told him that R A-D had called him Richard and he said he gets called that quite a lot. Anyway, sanity returned, in a fashion.

He mentioned at one point that he doesn't read fanfic, and he quoted what he thought was fanfic type material in a sultry voice…"Chakotay came into the bedroom…" I can't remember the rest because I was giggling. Sad but true. 26 years old, married, a mum, a responsible respectable adult…and I was giggling like a teenager. Oh well.

At another point someone mentioned a rumour they'd heard and he asked where…they replied 'The Internet' and he said "Oh I hate the Internet!". He also got pretty ratty with some of the people asking idiotic questions…the worst most cringe-making was someone who asked him if he had any children then offered to have some for him. Unfortunately, they let her have the mike again later and she tried to get him to answer the question. It got a bit out of hand, and he got pretty annoyed…as were most of the audience too. He doesn't suffer fools, that's for certain.

I asked a question at one point, a bit fed up of the 'sex symbol' personal type questions. I stuck my hand up on impulse and then suddenly the mike was in front of me and my heart was hammering like a mad drummer on acid…and I somehow got out my question…"is there anyone you've never worked with that you'd like to work with?" He said he guessed I meant his contemporaries, and the mike had gone by then so I just nodded. He said not really, there were plenty of actors he respected but he wasn't dying to work with anyone in particular. He sort of looked across at me then and said "OK?" and I nodded again and mouthed 'Thank you' and he grinned at me…and yeah I had to lean against the wall all of a sudden because the world started spinning. That smile is a pretty powerful weapon and I guess he knows exactly what effect it has.

Someone asked him about Sci-Fi and the conversation turned to 'Star Wars' which he said was ridiculous. He fell asleep during the first one and didn't see any of the others. He then enlarged upon this, by saying how absurd it was that in the films they shoot at each other with laser guns from thirty yards and miss, when we have smart bombs that can pinpoint the eye of a needle from 500 miles. It was silly stuff for kids but not the sort of thing adults should bother with…or words to that effect. He said he prefers verisimilitude in film. Something with some truth to it.

He was asked who his favourite playwright was, and he said there were quite a few. He mentioned Tom Stoppard and also said he'd seen Shakespeare in Love and enjoyed it.

He was asked about hobbies, and said he likes to read…history and biographies, mainly.

Someone asked if he plans to make an album, along the lines of William Shatner, (gods I hope not!). He confessed that some of them had been approached to do something…he mentioned Tim Russ…and after some prevarication he said he might do it…go along and sing a couple of songs if they ask him. Was he kidding? I have no idea…we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Robert's favourite Voyager episode? He liked almost everything about Unforgettable, with Virginia Madsen. Someone pointed out that the scene where he kisses her didn't seem very passionate, which was surprising considering how sensual he'd been in 'Kiss me a Killer'. He basically said it was the writers fault, that he'd tried to get them to change the scene but they wouldn’t. He felt that the conversation leading up to the kiss was all wrong…the 'foreplay' before the kiss was important and the foreplay in the scene was just not there.

He was asked about Kate Mulgrew leaving, and the rumours of tension between her and Jeri Ryan. He said he didn't know if Kate was leaving, he'd heard her say she wanted to spend more time with her family but that knowing her as he did he thought she'd have to be dragged away kicking and screaming rather than leave the show. Then he said "maybe she's having a nervous breakdown, I don't know" and shrugged and gave a mischievous smile. The only thing he'd say about what may or may not have gone on between Kate and Jeri was that Jeri had been "very sweet" about it…make of that what you will!

At the end, he said he hoped he hadn't offended anyone, but that he tried to be honest and to be himself as much as he could. He realised some people went with a pre-conceived idea of what he should be like, but that he wasn't that person and he hoped they didn't mind.

That's about all I can remember…there was loads more but I guess the transcript may be around soon.

Afterwards, I went up in line to get a picture signed. We were given raffle tickets when we got in and were called up in groups of twenty by ticket number. I got to be in the second group. When I was near the head of the queue, with just one person ahead of me, one of the organisers wanted to check what I wanted signed. I showed him the picture and my journal book, and he said OK. I asked if he wanted to check the tickets and held mine up even as he was saying no. Then he had another look at my ticket, smiled and said he'd take mine though. I gave him a funny look and he held it up and said it was his lucky number. I said "what…359?" and he grinned and showed me his flyer leaflet for the Wolf 359 convention. Enlightenment dawned, I clapped my hand to my forehead and exclaimed "how stupid am I?" ...and suddenly it was my turn and I was stood next to Robert Beltran.

He smiled at me and I asked him to sign the picture for my friend who couldn't get there, and then if he'd sign my journal book, which he duly did. All of the witty intelligent things I could have said fled from my mind like so many escaping butterflies, and I couldn't think of anything to say to him. So I just said "I guess this is the boring bit…"

He said "What, the signings?"

"Yeah"

"Well, it's not so bad. I get the chance to meet all you…" and he smiled at me again (those dimples) and put his hand on my arm. I just grinned, said "Thank you" and beat a hasty retreat, clutching my book and photo.

Yeah, talk about dumb. Afterwards I thought of a million and one things I wanted to say. I didn't ask for a kiss or hug, but I have to confess I am not that type of person. I was quite happy to just have a chance to say hello.

And of course when I was stood up there next to him I was totally distracted watching his hands when he was signing. Close up, he is totally compelling, but his hands are something else again…

So my mind had turned to mush (this happened to me once before because of him, when I watched a Veronica Clare episode. It was the first time I'd seen him in anything other than Voyager, and when I went out in my car afterwards I was so distracted I forgot to go to the garage and ran out of petrol!). He was lovely, kind and warm and free with his smiles. In retrospect, I guess I could have been calmer, but I'm glad I didn't giggle at him or ask anything really stupid. So it was OK.

That's it then. I went to phone my husband who arrived about ten minutes later and while I waited, I stood at the entrance and watched him sign photos and chat to people and smile and be generally very nice.

So, there you go. He was funny, smart, gorgeous, forthright, honest, witty, and clearly a man who is at pretty much at ease with who he is. He didn't play up to any image or line, he said several very cutting things about Voyager's writing standard on occasion and about some (most) of the films he'd been in. It was refreshing to see someone being honest and obviously his own person. He was lovely. I had a great time.

Luned

See reviews of the Edinburgh and Glasgow stops on the UK tour, and Suz's review of the London stops!

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