Day Three - Reviewed by Running Horse

I've been to many Trek conventions since 1966 but this was my very first Voyager convention - and at my house! Now before you gasp and ask me if Garrett, Ethan, Jennifer, Tim and Robert knocked personally on my door, let me say that I cheated and ordered the video of this con through the mail. Please don't email me for the address; I lost it! I don't even remember the source - somewhere in Trekdom on the WWW, so if you dig you might find it. If I should happen upon the site again I will ask Katane to post it with this review.

Introducing William Campbell's 1996 Fantasticon, Day Three: The TOS sound effect beamed in a Captain Kirk a la 'The Wrath of Khan' look-alike who never introduced himself until much further in his monologue. William Campbell was nowhere in sight. The Kirk look-alike, whom I assumed was the Master of Ceremonies, paced back and forth on the stage as he talked, holding a sheaf of papers thick enough for a 2-hour script. I'm thinking, will he never shut up? Only after the first 15 minutes did he finally tell us his name - Jay Trusk. He went on and on and on comparing the prices, movies, music, et al of 30 years ago when Trek was born to those of today. The audience seemed impatient as well and aside from a few titters, was dead silent as they waited for the stars to appear.

You're reading this impatiently waiting for the review to start, aren't you?

Robert Beltran was the first to enter, carrying a glass of water and spilling it as he went. He wiped his jacket and took the mike. I was hoping it wouldn't electrocute him. He stood there a minute with his mouth open then sent a grin to the delighted audience, playing them like a fish on a hook. His voice is so much lighter in tone than on the show! He spoke a moment, telling the audience that he initially didn't know what a Klingon was, then handed the mike back to Jay, who called him the 'resident heartthrob'. Robert spit water at Jay, who immediately moved behind the chairs to avoid more showers, muttering, 'I guess I deserved that...' - and if I can read expression correctly, he was not happy! Robert's incorrigible.

Accompanied by the Vulcan bass guitar from TOS, Tim Russ entered before Robert could do any more damage, limping, leaning on a cane. He exchanged a kewl handshake with Robert and told the audience, 'Ethan got out of hand and I had to put my foot where the sun doesn't shine...' <Actually, it was a sprained foot...Tim was straightforward, nice, and friendly.>

Then with TOS theme music came Jennifer Lien, waving, shaking hands with Tim and making about seven attempts at speaking before she got out, 'Thanks for coming tonight...' She went on for so long it started to get tedious. In all fairness to Jennifer, I've included an excerpt from Stephen Poe's 'Star Trek Voyager: A Vision of the Future' with insight to her personality. If I hadn't read that, I would have thought she was terribly out of place at a convention. She was shy, quiet, stumbled over her answers and appeared to lack the ability to handle an audience.

<<Excerpt:

Costume Designer Bob Blackman: 'There was a dilemma in creating the right costume for Kes...partly because of Jennifer's own personality...Kes was difficult because she is a very mild-mannered, very quiet, introverted person. She acts when she walks onto the set. When she's not on the set, she's this very quiet person. But she's a dynamic actress. We went to the producers with her in a pastel costume and it was awful. They hated the costume and Jennifer fled the room, panic-stricken. I kept saying to them, 'She's just quiet...she'll be great...she's just quiet.'>>

Next, Ethan Phillips made an entrance, al la Chevy Chase, but it was an actual klutzy trip-and-fall. Nevertheless, he got up and took the mike with aplomb, joking straight-faced with the audience. Throughout the entire time, Ethan wore his glasses and chewed gum.

Garrett Wang came in without falling, limping or spilling water, looking like a dream, enumerating the faux pas of the others and faked a kick to Tim's hurt foot. He came down on Robert for his lack of memory and forgetting his lines, mimicking him: 'What's my line again? What's my line again...?'

The questions from the audience began with a massive woman dressed as a Klingon, complete with center cleavage and suggestively told Robert that if he didn't know what a Klingon was, she'd be happy to tell him...

'I-I-I-I think I GET IT...' Robert stuttered.

Next question was, 'How has <being in Star Trek> affected your life?'

Ethan generated a raucous laugh from the audience, lip-synching silently into the upside down mike. He passed the mike to Jennifer, who simply said, 'Same thing.'

Robert piped up with, 'Do you know what I could be doing right now?!'

Tim very seriously replied that the status and money and had not changed him in the least. 'Why I was just saying to the guy who brushes my teeth every morning that....'

Ethan spoke this time, paraphrasing Tim, 'I was just saying to the guy who cleans my nose that I am the same guy I always was...'

Garret replied that the job is demanding. The on-stage banter between Garrett and Robert was hilarious. They are great friends.

Robert corrected one questioner who called Garrett 'Mr. Waing'. 'Thank you, Cappuccino,' said Garrett.

In between questions, the audience was treated to several impromptu performances, i.e. Garrett's impression of Sulu, Kate Mulgrew, and what I think was Donald Duck, then he and Robert launched into, 'Mr. Tuvok, bring me a dream, you're just the cutest Vulcan we've ever seen...' Then Garrett urged Robert to do, 'Ain't got no peers when it comes to those ears, Tu-VOK Tu-VOK Tu-VOK Tu-VOK...'

They got to Tim, all right. He told the audience that he had to put in for extra money this year for having to work with these guys...

Ethan launched into the story of Kes's birthday cake in one episode, the line of which called for him to say 'chakot-nuts.' Robert took exception to that line and had it changed. He didn't want people to think they had been lost somehow...'If you're going to be the First Commander they have GOT to be intact!'

<First Commander? Oh well, this WAS following the first season...he hadn't caught on yet...>

Ethan related the well-known <by now> story of Robert's backside, very visible in filming one particular episode, which was digitally erased. Then they decided it looked rather stupid, 'because...you gotta have a...thing back there...they replaced it digitally for about $10,000 -a digitized buttcrack.'

The audience roared.

Continuing the hiney-humor, Tim told about the practical jokes between himself and Kate Mulgrew. Tim threw a cork at her forehead on the set. Kate retaliated by stealing his shirt and one shoe from his trailer. Tim got back at her by leaving Polaroids of his bare posterior tacked around her trailer...'so that...everywhere she looked...she saw...my butt.'

Garrett injected Mulgrew impressions all through this monologue...'Dewn't threw that cawrk...' - and - 'Let's see how he can get heome neow, one shew, one shaart...' then did a Robbie McNeill impression so well I did a double take! He threw a suggestion at Robert that he should do Brando and he said, 'Let's leave Mr. Brando alone! What's the next question?'

Replying to a woman who asked about the heavy prosthetics and makeup, Ethan said he thought if left on, his makeup would last about a month...very few people know that that crack in Neelix's nose is a Talaxian butt - and he is mooning everyone all the time...

Jennifer said quite seriously that it itches - no joking, straight reporting - and passed the mike to Tim, who described how hot the prosthetics are. Robert piped up with, 'I was a Vidiian once!' and got no sympathy.

Another lady politely asks about the groups' hobbies.

Ethan, surprising serious, said that birdwatching and backpacking were among his hobbies; Jennifer said awkwardly that she liked to do a variety of things - read, paint - and gave the mike to Tim, who likes to scuba dive! Tim also likes astronomy, bikeriding and working out.

Robert, wading as usual in horse hockey, told the audience, 'I've had three days off in a row...this whole thing about working our butts off is not true. I want to dispel that rumor right now.' <Hobbies, Robert? The question was hobbies?> 'Oh, yes, drag racing......racing in drag.....professional shark hunter.....and I do the rodeo when it's in season!'

Garrett said he loves to mess with Beltran as much as he can because they're buddies. So Robert shot back, 'From the first day Garrett walks up to me...'So - um - do you know your lines?' - 'Yes, Garrett, just relax, man, it's a TV series, you'll catch on - 'Well - you know - we're working with KATE MULGREW!' - 'Yeah, and a lot of other people - just relax, Garrett - ' and he followed me all around, and I'm showing him the ropes, you know...'

'Yeah, right!!!' says Garrett.

Tim was asked what he does to get into a Vulcan frame of mind. The answer? He takes a lot of drugs before he comes to work... In a more serious vein, he said it's difficult not to show emotion. Working with Ethan Phillips it's a hell of its own - very painful - not very pleasant. Then , on request, as Tuvok, he launched into:

'Feelings.
Nothing more...than...feelings.
Trying to forget...my...
Feelings...of love.
Feelings.
Woe, Woe.
Feelings.'

To thunderous applause.

The same lady told Tim that her nurturing side was taking over and she wanted to kiss his ankle and make it better.

Uh Oh. Now the fun starts.

Tim told her to come up and kiss him on the cheek. He hobbled over and met her, giving her the absolutely sweetest hug, then from out of nowhere comes Beltran doing an end run around her, smooching the hell out of her, then Wang comes up behind to add to the action. Those two literally climbed all over her! She was in surprisingly good shape by the time Robert finished kissing her arm and hand and she calmly walked off the stage - I would have been a melted heap.

An Italian man asked Robert if he would tell him about any plans to expand Chakotay's religious background.

'Yes, I weel.' Robert launched into 'Amore' a la Dean Martin, then Jerry Lewis. 'As for plans to go deeper into his religious background, as soon as they found out what it is, we just might do that...'

The funniest line in a Voyager episode?

'We were out at Lone Pine filming the cliffhanger <Basics>,' said Robert, 'and I had a line I could NOT say; I wanted to kill the person who had written it. We were trying to survive without any technology and we split into groups and I said, 'We'll all meet back when the shadow of that mountain touches the lone pine tree...but only if...the valley is clear!'

Garrett continued the tale, 'The rest of the day, everywhere Beltran walked, he would say, 'When that rabbit crosses that bush there, you'll know it's time to leave...' - 'When that tumbleweed tumbles from here to that rock...' - 'When that funny cloud formation floats to that other cloud formation...'

That turned the topic to line mishaps. Ethan confessed to saying 'Paptain' instead of 'Captain' - but all agreed Beltran is the worst; he either gets his line wrong or forgets it entirely. Ethan said, 'It's not that he can't learn his lines, he just...can't learn his lines. We started one take when the Dead Sea was just sick...'

'And the Red Sea was pink...' added Robert.

To reply to the same question about line mishaps, Jennifer, quiet as always, simply said, 'I don't remember them.'

The other four tried to tease Jennifer into talking; telling the audience she could sing - she very seriously said 'That's not true,' and looked as if she was trying to find a place to hide...

We learned that Tim waits until the last minute before he puts on his uniform in the morning...

Robert does a passable Frank Sinatra: 'Strangers in the Ni-i-i-i-ight...'

Someone asked what they would have done if they were not actors.

Garrett: Med School.
Robert: Yeah, right.
Ethan: Dress designer <chew chew chew>. If he hadn't been an actor he would have been an actress.
Jennifer: I don't know - I can't really do anything else but act.
Tim: Criminal law or teaching - I enjoyed psychology.
Robert:...
...never got to say, because William Campbell came in to take over. Rats!

He complimented everyone on the comedy routines and promised to do it again next year. The music came up and they all filed out; Ethan dropped his glasses and headed out quick - Garrett said Ethan had to go wee-wee. Robert waved bye-bye and that was it!

Personally, I got great laughs out of this convention. It was thoroughly enjoyable and well-organized, and except for the long-winded intro I could not fault it in the least. The audience was supportive and appreciative and the questions were polite and interesting. The fact that they could never get a straight answer out of anyone, especially Robert, was not surprising...

This was my first opportunity to see these particular actors out of character - however, I can't say it was their own personalities I was seeing, since conventions require a certain amount of role-playing in themselves. Garrett, Ethan, Tim and Robert are fabulous entertainers. True, they all work very hard to bring us Voyager, but from what I saw of their remarkable camaraderie, each day on the set must be an ongoing party.

Now I'm eagerly awaiting my first LIVE Voyager convention!

Running Horse

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