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Reviewed by Caroline:

Okay, let me say right off that Scenes is *not* for everyone. It uses strong language and graphical sexual references and acts that some people may find offensive. That said, if you've got a quirky sense of humor (like Paul Bartel) and relatively open mind, you'll probably find this movie to be a hoot - I know I do. Besides, many people considered Moliere to be offensive in his day, and he's one of the greatest playwrights the world has ever known. Actually, there's a lot of parallels between Moliere's work and Scenes. They are farces in which the morals and taboos accepted by polite society are held up to ridicule, while both the upper and lower classes are exposed for hypocrites. An acid take on society perhaps, but given with such a comic twist that some scenes will leave you rolling on the floor - particularly some of the ones RB does.

Well, if I haven't scared you off already, read on for my review. Now, I know my fellow RBers are quite busy (so many boards, so little time), so in deference to our hectic lives, I've given you a short version specifically geared for the interests of RB fans. After that, you'll find a more complete review. Read on, if you dare

The Drooler's Version:
 Shirtless RB
 RB in smoking jacket
 RB in cream-colored vest
 RB in leather bomber jacket
 Sweaty RB in muscle T-shirt & shorts on rowing machine
 RB in tight jeans & white jacket
 RB in silk pajama bottoms & robe
 RB in silver waiter's jacket
 RB in white shirt
 RB in bed with nothing on but a strategically placed pillow
 RB in muscle T doing pushups
 Sweaty RB in cropped T and sweats lifting weights
 RB in cream silk shirt & tan pants
 RB in muscle T, blue boxers, and striped socks
 Real Butt!

The "I Don't Want Anyone to Know I just Watched It to See Robert" Version:
You'll know right from the start that this movie has a slightly warped view of the world. The opening sequence begins with the maid, Rosa, being killed for breaking her boss's, Clare's, priceless Steuben platter. Clare's daughter, Zandra, runs to tell the houseboy, Juan (RB ... YEAH!), who runs to the kitchen only to find Rosa lying bleeding on the floor. Pulling her into his arms, he cries, "Don't die on me. Breathe, dammit, breathe!" ... (Oops, sorry, wrong show;-)) Juan, incensed by Rosa's death, picks up a pot of boiling water, brings it into the dining room and attempts to throw it Clare only to have everyone shout: "Surprise!" It appears that the whole thing was a practical joke for Juan's birthday and now Clare is planning on giving Juan "the greatest gift". As Juan gets closer and closer to Clare, the phone begins to ring and ...

We find out it's all a dream ("I should be writing for Dynasty," Juan exclaims. Frankly I think Dallas would have been more appropriate). In short order we meet all our characters: Clare, a recently widowed former sit-com star; Sidney, Clare's dead husband; Zandra, Clare's daughter; Dr. Mo Van De Kamp, Beverly Hill's foremost thinologist; Rosa, Clare's gibberish spouting maid; Lizabeth, Clare's recently widowed neighbor; Willy, Liz's son in remission from some unspecified disease; Peter, Liz's playwright brother; To-Bel, Peter's new wife; Howard, Liz's gynecologist ex-husband; and finally, Frank, Liz's houseboy, Juan's friend, and a man with a very murky past. Because Liz is exterminating her house, everyone goes to Clare's to spend the weekend.

We then find out that Juan has a bit of a gambling problem and if he can't come up with $5,000 by Monday, he's history. When Juan tells Frank of his problem, Frank tells him to try hustling to come up with the money, whereupon we find out that Frank's had a *lot* of varied sexual encounters. (This is the first sweaty gym scene, and it's a doozy. The only problem is that Frank's checking out Juan even more intensely than we are.)

Switching between scenes of Juan talking to Frank and Clare talking to Lizabeth, we're treated to a hilarious recounting by each of stereotypes about the others. Clare tells Liz she hasn't set her sights low enough - she should look to the help. Liz says, "There's something very D.H. Lawrence about Juan. Something very dark and Aztec." (well, d'uh) Frank tells Juan he should set his sights higher - look to their bosses. The upshot: Frank and Juan bet that they can seduce each other's boss. If Juan wins, he gets Frank's "mad money," $5,000 cash. If Frank wins, he gets Juan for one night only.

What ensues are some classic scenes in which Frank and Juan try to seduce the women (in one by the pool, Juan tells Liz: "My hands are Cadillac Coups De Villes. My body is a Rolls Royce Corniche." :::Sigh::: ). There's also a riotous wake for Sidney, who's returned from the dead to woo Clare ("Death doesn't make sense without you"), and Bo Jangles, a lap dog who gets beaned by a vase. It's during the wake that my absolutely favorite scene takes place: Juan, standing in the gazebo with Liz, tries to seduce her by quoting Peter's new play but only succeeds in mangling the dialogue. ("Petty dictations - without your love I'm just a sleazy woman's handbag." :::SNORT::: It's worth watching the movie for this scene alone. RB does a *great* comic turn here. The first time I saw this I laughed so hard I cried.)

Later that night, Liz asks Juan to come to her room. She's drunk and planning on getting even with her ex-husband by bedding Juan. But when faced with his chance to win the bet, Juan declines. As it turns out, he's more smitten by Liz than previously thought. Touched by Juan's response, Liz connects emotionally with Juan and first contact procedures are initiated.

In the morning, there's a Marx Brothers-like comedy of errors involving everyone trying to sneak out of everyone else's bedroom. Frank has already been told what happened between Juan and Liz, but when he comes to see Juan, Juan denies it.

Later that morning Clare hosts the brunch from hell during which everyone reveals everyone else's deepest, darkest secrets. The whole scenario becomes so bizarre, that the reporter who's come to cover Clare's comeback, runs screaming from the house.

Frank goes to Clare's room and catches her dancing around to "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." (So, now we know where that dang hair color commercial comes from.) He tells her he's leaving and that she should come to his room at 4 so he can tell her goodbye. Then he goes to Howard's room and steals some tranquilizers.

Telling Juan to come by at 4:30 for proof that he's won the bet, Frank proceeds to drug Clare with the tranquilizers. When Juan sees Frank in bed with the unconscious Clare, he believes Frank's seduced her.

In the gym, Frank tells Juan he wants to collect on his winnings. Desparate, Juan admits that he's slept with Liz, but when Frank tells him he's going to reveal that fact to Mo to collect on a side bet, Juan recants. He's afraid that news of the bet will get back to Liz and hurt her.

Juan goes to see Liz and asks her to go away with him in the morning. He tells her that he's "got for [her] what no one else has to offer: desire, honor, heart." He's an angry warrior, who couldn't find peace ... (oh, wait, wrong show again;-)) Then he leaves to deliver on his bet with Frank (dum dum de dum dum de dum de dum de dum).

Now comes the scene that people object to most: Juan -- in T shirt, boxers, and socks - allows Frank to seduce him in payment for the bet. It's a vaguely uncomfortable scene to watch, and I think it's supposed to be just that. It's like we're sharing in Juan's discomfort. Of course this scene is also notable for the brief glimpse of Juan's bare butt we get at the end.

In the morning, as Juan is putting the luggage in the limo, his bookie shows up. In the nick of time, Frank comes by with his $5,000 to save Juan's butt (evidently he's grown quite fond of it <eg>). The two part as friends and Juan leaves with his lady love.

Well, that in a nutshell is the movie - but there's a lot more going on than I could possibly recount. The character's relationships to each other are never what they seem, and right to the end you'll be wondering what's going to happen next. Additionally there's a musical "montage" used to segue between some scenes that's quite stunning visually. I personally find the movie hilarious. It's not perfect, but it *is* funny.

Review by Caroline

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Reviews:

Name: Angela Cox
E-mail: beltranangel@yahoo.co.uk
Review:

The main review is so good I just want to say that I read film reveiw books before I saw it ...never believe them,they made it sound sick...its not it is very funny indeed.I never expected to like it as much as EATING RAOUL but I did as Katane says it is more sophisticated but its a howler.Angie

Name: Katane
E-mail: katane@chantico.com
Review:

Not everyone's taste - but hysterical if you do like somewhat off-beat humour. More developed than 'Eating Raoul', which was made by the same team, and a complete send-up of every soap opera you've ever seen.

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